Losing Touch


I can't believe it's been more than 16 years since I took my "last" steps. At this point, it seems like my life has been split in two: one half as an able-bodied person, and the other as a quadriplegic. There's not a moment that goes by that I don't think about what it was like as a kid. 

Whether it was playing carpet hockey with my brother in the middle of our living room or hanging out with my friends at school, my thoughts are always filled with my childhood experiences. But as the years have past, I've found myself losing more than just the ability to move my arms and legs. Even though I can reminisce about my past, I seem to be forgetting what it feels like to have the ability to move. 

It's an odd feeling to forget what it feels like to walk down the street, play around with friends or even the simple act of holding someone's hand. I know that I experienced all these sensations, but since they've left my life long ago, so have their memories. Not knowing or remembering these feelings is certainly a scary notion. My arms and legs may be broken, but I never expected my memories to go as well. 

While my memories have not fully faded, I will continue to cherish those that are still with me. We have all heard that we never really miss anything until it's gone, and now I have experienced that sentiment first hand. Now that I can no longer use my arms and legs like I used to, I realize just how much I miss it. I often find myself thinking about my past and look back on it with appreciation. While I've lost the ability to walk, I was able to be able-bodied for 14 wonderful years, and I will always be grateful for that. 

Even though I may be losing touch with my past, I will never lose touch of who I was and who I am. I may be losing the feeling of what it was like to walk, but I will never lose hope. No one can say for certain if I will ever walk again, but as long as I can hold on to my memories of the past, I will never give up. It may be difficult to remember what it was like as a kid, but I will fight to hang on to my memories and my optimism as long as I can.