Don't be offended if I decline your cookie

Sometimes, my life is nothing if not a series of awkward encounters. 

As I make my way through life as a quadriplegic, there are times when I interact with able-bodied people that still take some getting used to. 

This is one of those times. 

This specific moment I'm referring to involves someone who is unfamiliar with my situation and offers me something to eat. 

"Would you like a piece?" someone asks. 

Whether it's a snack or a full meal, I never really know what to say. So to avoid total awkwardness, I politely decline. 

I'm not really sure if they realize that if they offer, the only way I can eat it is if they feed it to me. 

My reluctance to accept their offer stems from the stories I've heard from other quadriplegics about people's discomfort once they realize they need to feed someone. 

The last thing I want to do is make someone feel uncomfortable from an interaction with me. And if someone isn't used to feeding another person, it can be a little unnerving. 

I have come across people who think helping someone eat something is weird and uncomfortable, especially in public. I don't blame them for not helping because it's definitely not something they're used to. 

I also know that there are those who don't mind helping, but identifying where people stand on feeding someone can be just as awkward as having someone actually feeding you. 

It may seem like not that big of a deal to worry about, but I believe it's a very intimate act between me and the person helping me and I don't want to put anyone in a situation they're not comfortable with. 

So if you're one of those people who've asked if I wanted a cookie or something for lunch, know that my decline of your offer is nothing personal. 

It's just a way for me to avoid one of those many moments of awkwardness that have filled my life over the last 20 years. 

But if you don't mind shoveling a few cookies or chips in my mouth, that's perfectly fine too. 

I love a good snack. 

Why the AHCA has me worried about my future

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

It's a motto many Americans live by every day in search of the American dream. 

Including myself. 

Every since I was a kid, my family instilled in me the drive and work ethic needed to succeed in life. 

Go to school, graduate from college and get a job. 

Everything was going to plan; graduate high school, check. Graduate from Arizona State University with a Bachelor's and Master's degree, check. After college, get a job and start my career in marketing and journalism, check. 

It seemed like my pursuit of happiness was on the right path, but it seems we've come across a road block that could be unpassable. 

Now my story is no more significant or important than the millions of other Americans living in this country, but the recent political climate has urged me to share my story. 

I am one of the estimated 56 million people with a disability in the United States and my future, along with many other Americans with disabilities, is in serious jeapordy. 

The recent developments of the proposed American Health Care Act could have disastrous implications for those with disabilities, including severe cuts to Medicaid. 

If passed, this bill could take away services and eliminate insurance for more than 23 million people living with disabilities. We could also see increased institutionalization of people with disabilities if this bill goes through.

Medicaid is a necessity for low income families and people with disabilities as they rely on this service for assistance with insurance and other necessary programs. 

For me, this new bill could severely hinder my ability to do many of the day-to-day activities many take for granted. 

As a quadriplegic, I rely on Personal Care Attendants to assist me in virtually every daily task. 

From taking showers to going to the restroom, I require help from attendants to ensure I can function effectively. It's a service that if taken away, could drastically impact my quality of life. 

Without this service, not only would my quality of life suffer, but it would be a good chance that I would also not be able to hold any type of steady employment and even be forced to live in a group home in the future. 

Even though I've used an electric wheelchair for almost 20 years, I've been gainfully employed since graduations college in 2006. 

From working at an online high school to a digital marketing company, to my current job as a Social Media Producer at 12 News, I've thankfully never known life among the unemployed. 

But that could all change if the new American Health Care Act passes. And it's a future I hope never comes to fruition. 

Not having a regular care attendant means not knowing when I would even be able to get out of bed everyday and possibly never having the ability to even regularly leave my house. 

Right now, my father provides the care I need to be a successful, contributing member to society. But one day, his ability to give me care will be gone and I will be at the mercy of companies providing attendant care. 

But if there is no Medicaid, these services could be limited to non-existant. 

This isn't a red issue or a blue issue. This isn't about cutting corners to save money. It's about providing simple human decency to those who need it the most. 

The biggest questions I deal with shouldn't be if I'll be able to go take a shower or even go to the bathroom that day. They should be about how to get that promotion at work or what to say to that pretty girl across the street. 

It's very much an uncertain future as we await the decision on the American Health Care Act.

In the meantime, I urge everyone, both people with disabilities and able-bodied people alike, to call their senators at (202) 224-3121 and tell them to vote NO on the American Health Care bill

As I join the millions of others with disabilities waiting to learn the fate of the AHCA, I will do what I can to live the American dream for as long as I'm afforded the ability to do so. 

I will continue to fight and show that a disability shouldn't mean the death of liberty.

Those living with a disability should be afforded the ability to pursue happiness just like everyone else.

While our limbs may have failed our bodies, our strength, courage and hope for the future will never keep us from making the American dream a reality.

Full disclosure: Online dating with a disability

I bring to you, my latest conundrum. 

Recently, I decided to take the plunge and dive head first into Tinder, the popular mobile dating app. 

Now I know that I'm a little late to the swipe-right soirée, but it seemed like as good a time as any to throw my hat in the online dating pool. 

So with eager anticipation, I created my profile and started swiping away. 

But after a couple weeks of using the app, the results were less than favorable. I only managed to get one total match since downloading the app. 

To make matters worse, I didn't even get a response from the one girl I did match with. If anyone knows Kelly, 28, let her know I'm still waiting for a reply. 

With the unfortunate results, I came to an interesting question; would I have fared any better if I didn't fully disclose my disability?

It's an interesting theory. If I just showed close up photos of me and didn't show my wheelchair, would I have gotten more right swipes?

I'm no expert, but if I saw "Gabe, 33, Journalist and graduate from ASU," it should warrant at least a profile view, right?

But as I gave it more thought, the more I was against it. I feel like it was just delaying the inevitable. I would rather the girl know what to expect instead of being blindsided by my wheelchair on a first date. 

It just doesn't seem right to not at least mention it. My disability doesn't define me, but it's very much a part of me and has shaped me into who I am today. 

While it hasn't garnered much success yet, I am glad I decided to show the whole me. I am comfortable with who I am and my disability. 

If a girl is turned off by my disability, I would not hold it against her. It is a lifestyle that definitely takes getting used to and you can't get the full grasp of what that means in a single swipe. 

So for now, I will continue to swipe and see what happens. 

You never know, maybe Ms. (Swipe) right is just around the corner.

Zach Anner hits the nail on the head

I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed today and I came across this awesome video by comedian Zach Anner. 

In the video, he eloquently talks about 10 things people should know about Cerebral Palsy. While I do not have CP, this video certainly resonated with my life as a person in a wheelchair. 

From constantly being asked if I know other, random people in wheelchairs, to being talked to like a 5-year-old, his tips definitely ring true in my life. 

Nice job, Zach!

If you'd like to learn more about things to know about people in wheelchairs, check out my previous blog post. 

I'm a Hall of Famer!

Yup. It's true.

This year, I had the pleasure of being inducted into the Mountain Pointe High School Hall of Fame.

I was inducted as a member of the 2016 class that included comedian/writer T.J. Chambers, fighter Clifford Starks and Olympian Will Claye.

When I first heard I was nominated, my first thought was "why me?"

Regardless of my credentials, however illustrious or mediocre, I was humbled and grateful to be inducted. Mountain Pointe and the teachers and classmates I had played a huge part in my recovery.

With all of the stories going around regarding bullying and peer pressure, I hope when people see my plaque in the gym lobby, the see just how important and beneficial a supportive and caring environment can be.

If you didn't attend the ceremony this September, you can watch the festivities online on my YouTube page.

Through My Eyes: Senior English Video

This September, I'm going to be inducted into the Mountain Pointe High School Hall of Fame. It's an incredible honor and I couldn't be more proud to be a Pride alumni.

It's safe to say that high school was one of the craziest experiences of my life. I truly experienced a gamut of emotions. From missing out on my entire freshman year to an unforgettable night with my prom date, it was an amazing four years.

But one of the highlights, had to be creating my Senior English video project. This gave me the opportunity to turn the short story I wrote in the hospital into a short film.

If you want to see my "masterpiece" here you go:

Steven Spielberg I am not, but it was a fun experience. I gained a whole new perspective and appreciation for filmmakers.

Next step will now be to get my screenplay turned into a movie. I'm thinking Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the lead role.

After Tokyo attack, we must remember, 'all abilities matter'

This week, news broke of a horrific attack near Tokyo where a suspect killed 19 people in an assisted-living facility.

My immediate reaction, like everyone else, was how can these senseless acts continue and how can someone be driven to commit such a violent crime?

From France to Florida, these incidents are becoming all too familiar, but this one hit particularly close to home for me.

Not because of the amount of lives that were lost, but because who these people were.

They were targeted simply because they were people with disabilities.

When I first heard the news that this person specifically sought to do harm to those with disabilities, my heart dropped.

The suspect was 26-year-old Satoshi Uematsu, a former employee of the facility where the attack occurred and it was reported that he wanted to rid the world of people with disabilities.

A truly senseless act.

And just like the other recent atrocities that have occurred in recent weeks, we need to remember those struck by this horrible tragedy.

When an African-American is killed during an altercation with police, there are those who cry out, "Black Lives Matter." When cops are targeted and killed senselessly in an ambush, there are those who cry, "Blue Lives Matter."

But what happens when 19 innocent people with disabilities are tragically killed in an attack just because they're viewed differently or are looked on as undervalued members of society?

You won't find many social media posts showing people standing with those with disabilities or rallies calling for reform to protect those who can't protect themselves, but maybe we should.

Those with disabilities are very much a part of the global community and we continue to fight for inclusion in mainstream society. All to often, those with disabilities are seen as nothing more than a footnote or second-class citizens, and it is that thinking that may have influenced this attack.

While we may never truly know just what drove a man to do such a tragic act, we can move forward and commit to doing more to help those with disabilities and make sure they aren't forgotten.

Because in the end, all abilities matter.
 

This phone conversation with a Social Security employee will make you cringe

The other day when I was having lunch with my mom, she told me about a horrible phone conversation she had with an employee working with Social Security.

As a new retiree, my mom was calling the Social Security Administration to see what she needed to do to start her social security payments.

But what started out as a cordial conversation, turned into a heated debate.

At the beginning of the conversation, the employee was asking my mom some demographic information to prepare her application. The process was going normally until he asked her if she had any children with disabilities.

"Yes," she replied.

The employee then asked if her child (me, of course) was employed. He also asked what my income was.

My mom said yes, I was employed and made between $38,000-$45,000. She was unaware of the exact amount.

"Well he's not disabled then," he exclaimed.

As you can imagine, my mom was shocked at that statement.

"What," she said in disbelief. "What do you mean?"

"If he makes that much money, then he's not disabled," he proclaimed.

My mom then fired back and said I'm very much disabled and proceeded to tell the employee that I am a quadriplegic and use an electric wheelchair to get around.

His response to that was even more astounding. Jake from State Farm, he is not.

"So is Stephen Hawking," the employee remarked.

Before a total argument broke out, my mom kept her calm and finished answering his questions without dignifying his remark with a response.

It's interactions like this that highlight the need for a complete overhaul of the benefits system offered to those with disabilities by the U.S. government.

For those unaware, people with disabilities are eligible to receive monthly stipends from the government similar to social security. But one of the many stipulations of this program is that you can't earn more than a certain amount or you will become ineligible for the program.

I, unfortunately, had to learn this the hard way.

When I got my first job, I was receiving the monthly stipend and started earning money from my job.

It didn't take long for Social Security to inform me that I was no longer eligible to receive these payments due to my new income. On top of that, I had to pay back the payments I received while I was working.

Sadly, I'm still paying them back to this day.

This rule infuriates me to no end. In a program that is designed to support people with disabilities, it seems like the disability has no bearing on the program at all.

The only thing that matters is if you're poor. But the last time I checked, my bank account doesn't determine the severity of my disability.

And contrary to that employee's thinking, a large paycheck isn't going to miraculously make my arms move.

If this story infuriates you as much as me, please share this with as many people as you can. It's time that people with disabilities have a stronger voice in society and with enough support, hopefully those in power will finally start to listen.

Why 'Me Before You' is hypocritical to people with disabilities

I like to think of myself as a hopeless romantic.

I've been known to daydream every now and then of the famous scene between Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant in "Notting Hill."

But instead of William Thacker standing in front of a girl, asking him to love her, it's me listening to the romantic request.

It's on-screen romances like this that inspire moviegoers and bleeding hearts alike, but there's a new film that is offering the complete opposite message for one audience.

The film, "Me Before You," is hitting theaters on June 3, and many in the disability community are protesting the movie and its message.

Adapted from the book of the same name, "Me Before You" tells the story of Will Traynor, a thrill seeker who becomes a quadriplegic after an accident. After his accident, Traynor then falls in love with his caretaker, Louisa.

And, unfortunately, that's where the romance ends.

Before reading any further here's your SPOILER ALERT warning. I'll be revealing the movie's plot twist below.

While Louisa and Will fall in love, Will ultimately decides to end his own life instead of living and having a relationship with Louisa.

I'll be the first to admit that when the film came out, I was excited to see the movie. Having a romance with a main character as a person with a disability is something you don't see on the big screen too often.

But I recently found out that Will kills himself because he doesn't believe his life in a wheelchair is not worth living. And that completely changed my opinion.

The film uses the hashtag #LiveBoldly in their promotional material and that is even the mantra Will shares with Louisa. But apparently if you're a person with a disability, you're not able to lead a fulfilling life.

As a person with a disability, I am completely disappointed in this film. While this film is touting itself as a romance, for people who use wheelchairs or have any physical disability, it is the total opposite.

The message it's sending is completely hypocritical by saying people should live boldly, but quadriplegics can't lead lives worth living.

Portrayals like this have been all too common on both film and television and that needs to change. We are more than just victims and faceless characters and deserve to have more accurate representation in Hollywood.

Our lives are not tragic, pathetic pitiful. This film is. Disabled people the world over #LiveBoldly #MeBeforeYou pic.twitter.com/g68QKReDiL

— Not Dead Yet UK (@notdeadyetuk) May 25, 2016

Able-bodied people have numerous love stories to hope and dream on, but what about those of us who are disabled and hope to live happily ever after like those we watch in the movies? What message is it sending if the best character we can identify with decides it's better to die than be a burden for someone else?

If you're wondering, I will not be going to see this movie and I urge my friends and all those reading this to do the same. This is not a story that should be supported.

For now, me and other quadriplegics will have to wait for that romantic story that instills hope and love instead of regret and despair.

Until then, I will go back to those Rom Coms that I've seen countless times. And I will continue to hope, continue to dream and continue to live boldly.

Because we only live one life, and it's our duty to live it to the fullest.

10 things to know when meeting someone in a wheelchair

As a person with a disability, I have learned to successfully navigate the wonderful world of awkward situations.

Whether I'm out grocery shopping or at the movies with friends, it's not out of the ordinary to be thrusted into uncomfortable experiences. From the painfully piercing stares from toddlers, to inappropriate remarks from strangers, I've seen and heard them all.

Over the past 18 years of using an electric wheelchair, I've bumbled and lumbered my way through experiences and have become an expert in the excruciating.

With this incredible wealth of knowledge, I'm offering these 10 things to consider when you meet someone with a disability:

Don't ask if we know your friend in a wheelchair

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone in a wheelchair knows everyone with a disability. So no, I don't know your friend, Steve, in Atlanta. 

We don't want to go for a race

If we wanted to have a race, I'd go to a race track, not a department store.

We don't drive over the speed limit

Our wheelchairs barely go above nine miles per hour, so the speed limit is safe from us.

A fist bump is just as good as a handshake

Many quadriplegics have difficulty moving their fingers and raising their arms, so a fist bump is an accepted alternative to the hand shake or high five.

It's okay to ask to lend a hand

If you come across someone in a wheelchair and it looks like they require assistance, they probably do. Go ahead and ask to lend a hand.

Everyone's disability is different

There are several different types and severities of disabilities, so each person's situation is unique.

It's okay to ask what happened

While I've been asked hundreds of times, it's perfectly fine to ask why I'm in a wheelchair. I figure letting people know about what happened helps them feel more at ease around me.

Your kid doesn't want to go for a ride

On more than one occasion, I've had people with babies playfully say the baby wants a ride on my wheelchair and then put him or her on my lap. Not only does it scare the kid, it's also awkward and extremely uncomfortable for me.

We don't need a gold star for going to the supermarket

If you see someone in a wheelchair out at the grocery store or at a restaurant, you don't need to give us a pat on the back or a thumbs up. We're living our normal lives just like you and buying dinner shouldn't be something you need to cheer about.

You don't need to speak louder

Pro Tip: Being disabled doesn't mean we can't hear or understand you. There's no need to speak to us any louder than anyone else or like we're little toddlers.

By no means are you expected to follow these tips to the letter. They're more guidelines than rules. But if these tips help your next experience with a person with a disability be a little less stressful and awkward, then my goal was accomplished.

Like they always say: the more you know.