My biggest regret after becoming disabled
Last year, I was asked to speak to a group of physical therapy students to talk about my life as a person with a disability. I was asked plenty of great questions, but one in particular really caught me off guard.
“What is the biggest regret in your life?”
I was thrown for a loop. It was a question I’ve never been asked before and, to be honest, I never really thought about.
But after doing a quick scrub through my 36-year history in my mind, one theme kept popping up.
Last year, I was asked to speak to a group of physical therapy students to talk about my life as a person with a disability. I was asked plenty of great questions, but one in particular really caught me off guard.
“What is the biggest regret in your life?”
I was thrown for a loop. It was a question I’ve never been asked before and, to be honest, I never really thought about.
But after doing a quick scrub through my 36-year history in my mind, one theme kept popping up.
“I wish I was more outgoing,” I replied.
Shyness has been an enemy of mine since childhood and I’ve been fighting it ever since. I was always afraid of talking to people, and it was even worse when I became a quadriplegic. Most of my high school days, I kept to myself and didn’t really try to make new friends. Looking back at that time now, I know that I missed so many opportunities.
For me, there were no Friday hangouts, no all-night house parties or dates with that cute girl from English class. Every time I thought about my social life outside of school, logistical questions flooded my mind.
Who would drive me to the party? Who will help me eat? What if my asthma acts up? What if the house doesn’t have a wheelchair ramp?
So many questions with no real answers. So I just avoided them altogether. If I could give any advice to 14-year-old me, it would be to be brave and have the courage to put yourself out there. Trust yourself and the goodness of others.
I’m not a hermit by any stretch of the imagination, but not being more outgoing when I first became a person with a disability will always be my biggest regret. I missed out on so many things because I was afraid. Afraid of what people thought. Afraid of asking others for help. Afraid of things going bad.
I would like to say I’ve fully overcome my fear, but I’m not quite there yet.
There was this girl I’ve had a crush on for a while, and I was finally going to let her know how I felt on Valentine’s Day. But my fear got the best of me. I may never know if she will be a chapter in my love story, but I know she is destined to find the happy ending she’s looking for.
One day I will overcome this fear, and who knows, maybe one day I’ll even take my own advice.
I talk more about my biggest regret in my latest Have A Seat vlog on YouTube. You can watch the video below.
Rolling into the 2020s with new resolutions
2019 has come to an end and it's time for the beginning of a new decade. Turning the calendar to 2020 means taking stock of what things I've learned and experienced in 2019 and examining what goals and expectations I have for the new year.
A.K.A. what are my new year's resolutions?
2019 has come to an end and it's time for the beginning of a new decade. Turning the calendar to 2020 means taking stock of what things I've learned and experienced in 2019 and examining what goals and expectations I have for the new year.
A.K.A. what are my new year's resolutions?
Sticking to and finishing resolutions should be a resolution in and of itself. Many, including myself, often fall off the resolution wagon early in the year, so hopefully my aspirations for achievement don't fall by the wayside.
For 2020, I'm going with two resolutions. Maybe keeping it short and sweet will help me stick to my resolutions longer, maybe even all year.
First, I want to try and create more digital content for my website and YouTube channel. Aside from building my video production and writing skills, I think these mediums are a great way to share my story and experiences as a person with a disability. I feel reinvigorated to produce more content after helping with so many cool projects at work.
Second, I want to be more social. It seems kind of strange with me working in the world of SOCIAL media, but being social in real life versus a computer or phone screen is completely different. Ever since I was a kid, making friends was always difficult. And that was made even more difficult after I became a quadriplegic (Stay tuned for a future vlog on this topic). Maybe 2020 will be the year I have a legitimate social life and even go on my very first date!
Better late than never...
What are your resolutions? Are you even making any? Let me know in the comments.
There is No Fate But What We Make
A couple weeks ago, I was talking to a family friend with my mom and he informed us about some unfortunate news; his wife recently had one of her legs amputated due to some health complications. And ever since her leg was amputated, she has not been very optimistic about her situation and recovery.
Her husband told us that she doesn’t put on her prosthetic leg very often and isn’t interested in physical therapy or becoming more active in everyday activities. As he conversed with my mom and me, you can see the concern he had for his wife all over his face.
After he gave us the update, he shrugged his shoulders and let out a great sigh.
“I don’t know what to do to get her to be more positive,” he said. “If you were in her situation, I sure you would be ecstatic if you still could walk.”
Our friend had a good point. I would give almost anything to walk again, but we all deal with pain and loss differently. He continued to talk about her situation and asked how I stayed so positive through all my health problems.
I didn’t really know what to say. Yes, I probably would handle her situation differently, but everything always looks different when your hindsight is 20/20.
When I was first told that I was paralyzed, I was shocked and saddened. While my situation was no laughing matter, I tried to look for something to smile about. In the end, all that mattered was the fact that I was still alive.
If I couldn’t walk, I would use a wheelchair; if I couldn’t do something, I would just ask for help. I wasn’t going to let my disability keep me from the life I wanted. Even though my body was broken, I was still the same person that I was before I got sick. My life may have turned down a path I didn’t want to travel, but if this was my path, I was going to make the best of it.
At the time, our friend asked me if I had any advice for his wife. I simply told him that she just needs to stay positive. Yes, her situation is unfortunate, but it is only her attitude that will make her life seem unlivable. If she keeps thinking that she can’t overcome adversity, that’s exactly what will happen.
Like Sarah Connor always says, “There’s no fate but what we make.”
If you want to live a life worth living, it’s simply up to you. Unless you are the leader of the Resistance and are continuously hunted by futuristic robots, then you may be out of luck.